Archive for March, 2011
My boyfriend just broke up with me. Why is he still contacting me? Should I call him back?
This is very long! Sorry!
My boyfriend and I broke up earlier this week. He said he needed "space" because he has no time for himself. I admit, I didn’t give him the personal time that everyone needs while we were dating. If what he said about needing space wasn’t just a line, and he actually did need time apart, I can understand and respect that. He also said that he felt very pressured in the relationship. I do understand he has a lot going on, and since the break up, I’ve been doing my best to give him what he asked for… space! As hard as it’s been, and even though I’ve wanted to, I haven’t called or initiated contact with him in any way.
He said he wanted to be friends, and that we should not "close any doors — if we are still miserable in a month or so, we should talk about possibly getting back together." And he made specific plans, like, "Let’s have lunch soon, let’s still talk a couple of times per week, etc" …It seems out of line with his request for space. And he also asked if he could call me the next day, after we broke up. I said that might be too soon. So, he proceeded to ask if he could text me, or call me in a couple of days. I said, if he absolutely had to talk to me, he could call me. He said that I could call him any time, text him any time, etc that he "has no boundaries where that is concerned".
So, two days later, he sent me a message just to say "Hi, how are you? Have a good day." I messaged him back politely, that I hoped he was doing well. He sent me another message. I wanted to be polite, so I told him Good Luck on his test, and then said that we both need space, but if we wanted to stick to the original plan to talk at the end of the week, he could call me (I wanted to leave that entirely up to him — after all, HE broke up with ME because he needed space!)
That night, he signed on AIM, and immediately sent me a message asking me why I didn’t answer his call. I told him I didn’t know what he meant. Apparently, within the last 10 minutes, I’d missed a call and a text message. …He then asked if he could call me right then. I thought it was probably something important, so I agreed. He was just making small talk. After about 5 minutes I said, "So… did you have anything in particular you wanted to discuss?" He said no, and continued complaining that he was tired, busy, depressed, etc. I said that I was sorry to hear that "…But you know, it isn’t okay for us to talk as if we are still together. Because we aren’t. If you are still wanting that kind of relationship in the future, maybe we should discuss it another time. But for now, we shouldn’t act as if we are dating when we’re not." He said, "Well, I still think that I need to be single for right now, but yeah, I don’t know. Maybe later we can talk."
And he kept trying to get me to agree to call him, but I just neutrally said that if he needed to talk to me, that he could call me. Last night, he sent me a text that just said, "hi." That’s it. I didn’t get it until this morning, and I just replied "I just got your message. What’s up?" And he hasn’t responded.
….So, isn’t this weird behavior, since he broke up with me because he needed space? I mean, I don’t want to go into lots of details, but we had a good relationship, we really love each other, and he even said he still loves me very much. The whole time we were having the break up talk, he was being very clingy, holding my hand, hugging me, and kissing my cheek, etc. I was in shock, and didn’t question it at the time. Now, everything just seems really weird.
So, is the ball in my court? I want to get back together, because I do love him, but I don’t want to just sit and wait around for him. And I won’t. I’ve been going out, having a good time, etc. and trying to move past this.
Anyway, I’m totally confused. Thanks for reading! What should I do?
It sounds to me like he wants to have the best of both worlds. He wants to be single but still have you at the same time. He keeps acting clingy after he broke up with you because even though he wanted to break up he doesn’t want you to move on. I think that you should take space from him. What he is doing isn’t fair to you and he clearly doesn’t know what he wants. I think you should stop talking to him for awhile so that you can move on.
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